After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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