omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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