Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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