he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
