I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
