yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
