maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
