I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You pole danced in your parka.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
