it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
