he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
