I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
