the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
