now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
