Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
