I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
