good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
