i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
