i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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