Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
