i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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