Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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