i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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