My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
