dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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