Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
