Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
