I can text with my tongue
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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