I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
