He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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