Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
