What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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