i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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