Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
