He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
