I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
