Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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