I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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