How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
