dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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