i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
