I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
