Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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