Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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