Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
