Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
