OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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