I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
