My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
