I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
