marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
