Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
