I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Never joke about your clitoris.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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