he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
