it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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