I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
