you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
