dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
