It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
