I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
