there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
