I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
