he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
